Are You September?: mixtape

Talking about an ex is like playing with fire—it burns. There are so many memories to tell, so many mentions of the tears, the heartbreaks, and all the bad things that sometimes we barely talk about the small things.

I think I haven't talked about my exes this way.

I've always told everyone who tries to date me that I often try to get something out of someone (something about this part made me sing Madonna's Material Girl). Like something to remember them by (as if the heartbreaks weren't enough). I think I did a good job trying to learn something from them aside from all the life experiences (like never date a guy like him ever again).

My first boyfriend was a douche and our relationship lasted only for days so I barely got anything from him, except my first heartbreak. HA.

I can barely recall their order but I once dated a drummer. And nope, he didn't teach me how to play the drums but he did influence me to learn how to play the guitar. He's one bad ass of a musician.

I've also dated a painter who have taught me a lot about maturity (like never date a guy who thinks like a child) and appreciate all forms of art. He taught me how important it is to incorporate your identity with your art, like a signature. And I remember him whenever I see something similar to his personal brand of art.

This mixtape has nothing to do with them. It has something to do with someone who taught me a lot just when I thought I knew everything. I don't want this to sound like I'm throwing shade, so careful now.

I knew a lot about music even before we got together, but my ex has influenced me to go beyond different genres. I haven't enjoyed music the way I enjoy it now.

So here's a mixtape that I think will make my ex proud. *wink*

Track list:

Don't Wanna Be Your Girl Wet
Leave A Trace Chvrches
Greek Tragedy The Wombats
In My Head Betablock3r
Slow Burn MADE IN HEIGHTS
You're The One For Me Great Good Fine OK
Summertime The Mowgli's
How Hard I Try filous, James Hersey
Beat Of My Drum Powers
Shine Years & Years

I’ve been told beginnings are the sweetest part of relationships because it gives us a collection of feelings—happy, excited, weary, fearful, and high—and often times they all happen at the same time. Such beginning takes us to new heights and it makes us fear for the downward slope—because we know there’s always one—but it also teaches us to embrace it with bravery because we feel (I hope you have reached that certain point) that the person in front of us has a lot in store for us than just a potential dead end.

Some people often refer to the process as the chase and to me it’s a temporary high—so temporary yet so good that we would wish to experience the feeling over and over again. It’s the kind of memories that lasts the most when one tries to look up the traces of a love that’s lost. It consists of many firsts that sparked chances and opened many doors. Like a privilege meant only for you. But never forget the big picture. Privileges are sometimes a two-way street. It’s like being entrusted with someone’s secrets; like being welcomed to a party you’re supposed to gate crash; or gravely, like being handed over a gun and trusting you not to pull its trigger.

The chase is where you meet someone interesting that you know nothing about and slowly get to know the deepest parts of their souls—like how they want their coffees or what kind of music they play when the mood is off. If you ever get lucky, they will tell you stories of the scars they bear hoping you’ll love them for the bravery they had. They will tell you more about their past secretly hoping it won’t scare you. Above it all, you should also know that the chase is an opportunity not everyone has.

The beginnings are every relationship’s fatal flaw and maybe that’s why they call it the best part. It’s what’s expected from something as twisted as love.

This mixtape is a compilation of 10 songs that could easily make it to my personal The Chase soundtrack, if I ever get the chance to do the entire thing all over again. Haha. They’ve been on the loop for days now provoking me to rape the play button over and over again. I just felt the need to put it out there for those who are currently experiencing this wondrous phase.

I know it’s a lot easy to sing at the top of your lungs when someone makes you or when your heart and mind are surprisingly singing the same tune. But even if you are nowhere near happy, you should know that sometimes, you just have to sing it out.

So whether it started with a simple Hello or it knocked the hell out of you when you weren’t looking, let me say this to you: remember the chase, remember the highs of it. Let it hit you cold and hot.

Track list:

Emotion Carly Rae Jepsen
High Tiffany Houghton
Black Magic Little Mix
Worth It Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink
Hello Allie X
Love Me Like You Mean It Kelsea Ballerini
Mine Phoebe Ryan
Lovin' So Hard Becky G
Can't Feel My Face The Weeknd
Dazed and Confused Jake Miller and Travie McCoy

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