When I made a sweeping declaration a year ago of me finally taking the first step, I did it with me looking back at the traces of the horrific 2013. I know that to successfully move forward, you shouldn’t look back. But I did, to remind myself every now and then of why I should persevere.

2013 wasn’t exactly my year. I remember wrapping it up with a song from The Weepies. I remember starting over, creating a new blog: Are You September, symbolically jumping on a new start. A year later, here I am.

There are bad things that happened to me in 2014—a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments. But all of them are meant to test my character. I would have wished most of them never happened, but what’s done is done and I’m grateful that I was able to weather it out.

If there was one thing important about 2014, it is to learn how to look at the brighter side. Along with this year end post is me finally laying the heartbreaks of 2014 to rest. So here are some things worth remembering about my 2014:


New and Old Places. Travel-wise, my 2014 went really slow noting that I was only able to visit one new place this year despite my personal goal of three. Last summer, I went to Baler with my travel buddies: Khreane, Ate Reich, and Lora. We went on a tour and took a trike ride for 3 more hours just to visit a pristine beach in Aurora. Three days seemed like they weren’t enough with all the resting and playing around we did. We did visit a lot of tourist spots but there were some we weren’t fortunate enough to see due to time constraints.



My year will never be complete without the traditional Baguio visit with the family. Every summer (usually on holy week), we make it a point to visit the City of Pines and stay there for a few days to relieve ourselves of the summer heat. While we were within the North, we also made it to La Union on our way back to Manila.




I have also found a new interest in discovering new interesting places to visit—coffee shops, artistic places, resorts and the likes. I have listed them down and hopefully cross them out within 2015.




Couch potato-ing is also one of the few hobbies I have grown into this year. With a lot of time in my hand, I figured to spend most of them watching TV and movies. *I regret nothing*
 
New Experiences. If there’s anything worth highlighting on my 2014, it’s the fact that I finally had the courage to do a lot of new things. There were a lot of first times, and sure a lot of ‘second time around’ that I was able to enjoy.

When I was in Baler, I was able to try surfing. Something I never really thought of trying knowing I have such weak knees. But I took it as a personally imposed challenge to try. And so I did, but unfortunately failed. Cooking is also something I am interested on this year. I suddenly felt the urge to know at least the basics of it. It was also my first time to try bowling and I did it twice this year hoping to be good at it. It was fun regardless of how my thin arms had a hard time managing to throw bowling balls to put down pins.




The biggest highlight of the year is my first time to see CHVRCHES play live. The concert itself was a turning point for me. I’ve learned a lot about having fun and enjoying my youth. Hence, I’ve purchased tickets to Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith concerts next year. Hoping to see more artists play live on 2015! 

Letting go. While 2014 brought us the Frozen craze, this by far is different from Elsa on the loose. This year I have learned to let things go, to stop caring about the bad things and care for the things that I have control over. I’ve heard a lot of bad things thrown at me and while it took me a great deal of time to understand why it came about, I got over it later on.



I think the most important lesson I have learned this year is acceptance. There are certain things we cannot change, and so we have to accept them. There are questions that needed answers and while my curiosity almost killed the best of me, I have learned that maybe there is a right time for answers *or not*  that sometimes you may not even get the answers you need and you have to not let it stop you from moving.

It was almost impossible for me to move forward because I keep looking back. But I learned that it was possible, if I acknowledge and accept things as they are now. 

Being grateful. I don’t know if I have said enough thanks for 2013. I think that the devastation I had back then have made me unable to see the good things I have left. In 2014, I have learned to be more grateful of the things I have and kept the desire to have more at bay. We don’t always get the things that we want no matter how much we think we deserve them, and no matter what we do. I learned that I have to want more for myself but not get discouraged when faced with rejections. And so I did. At the latter part of the year, I have learned to appreciate what I have and feel blessed about it more than ever.

I am grateful for the friends I have kept: Khreane, Lala and Ate Reich. They have always been there for me through ups and downs even if the going gets tough and the lines between us got blurred at times. They are still here with me and I wish to spend more years of friendship with them.



I am grateful for the friends I have made at work. Three years at 88DB Philippines and I found myself knowing more people than I would ever know. When things got rough last year, I was ready to leave but somehow faith kept me still and a year later I am still with the company. Even if many people have told me to go, that the company was a Titanic in the making and I shouldn’t go down with it, I came up with a decision that I can stand with no matter the circumstances. However, I am not keeping my doors closed to opportunities as career has always been my priority when I got out of college.


On the losing end. I have loved and lost, I barely won in life. But there are moments of brilliance that keep me going. When love was lost in front of my very eyes, I vowed to get it back. Love is a tricky thing. It's full of surprises, and heartbreaks. Although I probably ended up unsuccessful, I know that I am capable of giving my best. I realized my limitations. I've seen how far I can go. It is on those moments when I realize that I am capable of fighting for something that can make me happy. And maybe I lost, but I got myself the faith I need to believe that maybe someday I will find a new way to get back to love. Or maybe something even better.

I lost friendships along the way and half of them are decisions I made for myself and are probably on me. But I will always be grateful for all the people I have on this journey, regardless if it ended badly. Friendships are a beautiful gift from the heavens and I will always be grateful to have the chance to keep what I can keep. Some people have nothing, who am I to argue what I could and couldn't keep?

This year, I lost my dog Lowla and I never felt pain more than ever over a death of a dog. She was my favorite. The one I always care so much about and it hurts to see her die in front of my eyes. She was the heartbreak that capped off my 2014.

Me. 2014 was the year to love myself more, to turn my back on things that make me devalue myself, to finally give myself the chance I deserve to heal and be better. 2014 was a test of my character, a chance to prove the voices in my head wrong. A chance to prove myself that I can keep my words and promises. A chance to prove myself that I am better than who I was in 2013. I faltered many times, thinking I should have given up and just let things happen. But I didn't. We all have our most humane moments of sadness and fear.

The weight of 2014 makes it easy for me to look forward to the new year. 2014 was a good year for me, and I will do my best to make 2015 even better. No New Year resolutions, just trying to keep the good going.

You're reading this, maybe you know more about me or have been an important part of my life at some point. Thank you for sticking with me and I hope to see more of you on 2015. :)

Here’s to another year of chances! Let's make it count. ;)


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Willamette Stone - Today
Chvrches - Recover *which is only fitting for my 2014 aahhhh*